It's been a year, right?
Yeah, see, let me explain.
I am glad I am still alive. I am glad I got gifts.
I am not glad I smashed the fucking front of my car thanks to the snow, I am not glad some asshole pretty much walked in on each little opportunity I was granted this fucking year.
I am not able to say I'm grateful for what I feel like was stolen from me, for the things that have happened.
This year I find myself unfortunately saying, "what did I do to deserve this?"
I actually did not want anything for Christmas other than a somebody who would be by my side, so no -- I certainly got that bullshit symbolic coal. It's really kind of fucking insane despite the shit I've had to put up with. I don't think I'm gonna celebrate Christmas given the way things have boiled the last few months.
Some people feel things a lot deeper than just getting presents this time of the year. Some people just want to know their hopes were all not just for nothing. But all I got was really nothing, all these small trinkets around me I am grateful for but can't feel an ounce of love from them.
I will take what I get and take my leave.
It would not make me any happier now to get my Christmas present in never feeling like this and never having something this stupid happen again. So merry whatever the fuck you call it to everyone that deserves it (apparently I deserve nothing short of the smallest true happiness), happy new year. I'm gonna go blow my brains out.